Lame....DUCK!

There’s only two days left of the Bush Administration, and two more posts left to complete my list of 100 Reasons I will celebrate Tuesday’s Inauguration – a project that began almost 100 days ago. As we get close to the Top 10, it seems all of today’s list could have made it. And, in some instances, so could most of Reasons 100-21. Some of this installment of the list deal with broader themes, rather than individual moments of idiocy. I will post the Top 10 on Monday – Bush’s final day in Washington, D.C. You know, I just don’t think we’ll see him going back there much.

#20. Bush the Economist: I don’t think I need to spend a great deal of time pointing out the obvious. On January 20, 2001 Bill Clinton handed W. $128 Billion (with a B) extra dollars the country had saved up. Bush would have us believe that the reason he never posted a surplus in his eight years, and the reason we are facing the largest deficit ever, is because 19 terrorists flew jets into the World Trade Center. But history has already judged him on this one. The attacks of 9/11 did not cost $128B, nor did they immediately shut down the nation’s ability to generate income and reduce spending. The Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan cost a lot (especially because we paid extra for Cheney’s buddies to get paid, and that $9 billion Paul Bremer lost didn’t help), but did not cripple the economy. Three major factors will be forever embarrassing to his Harvard business professors: First, Bush never seemed to care about jobs, until he could brag about “surprising” growth in his second term. Jobs would have built the economy, and maybe a tower… or two; Second, the blind eye turned to the ridiculous mortgage boom by him and his genius fiscal advisers allowed him to look like a hero to every infomercial real estate millionaire; Third, the tax-cuts for corporations and wealthy individuals was some kind of weird tribute to the failures of Ronald Reagan – as if he was pissing off Daddy one more time by embracing the “voodoo economics” his own father dismissed as ineffective.

#19. The Corpus Christi Killer: This list would not have had so much absurdity and thrill if it weren’t for Dick Cheney. The ultimate moment of pleasure for Bush must have been the day people stopped focusing on his ineptitude and turned the national embarrassment spotlight on Harry Whittington. When Dick Shot Harry is one of those fables of our time that I cannot wait to tell my grandchildren. I’ll leave in all the horror – the Veep “hunting” in a private, guaranteed-kill reserve; the fact he was hunting a bird that would be just as easy to shoot in the wild; the drinking; the cover-up; the drinking; and the fact that the victim is so afraid of Dick that he practically apologized for getting in the way of the birdshot. Birdshot, by the way, being a spray of a bunch of little bullets, so you don’t actually have to aim!

#18. FOX News: Oh the Hannity Inanity! I know people who actually watch this channel and call it the “news,” despite there being absolutely nothing of substance included. Listen, I know my conservative friends are excited that other stations finally grew a pair to try to bring some journalism and truth into new reporting on cable – so now they can demonize MSNBC and CNN. But, seriously, the FOX Cavalcade of Crazy should embarrass any grown adult. If you want to listen to Bill O for moral advice, or seek out Greta for integrity-filled interviews, or watch Geraldo for his reputation for maturity, or Neil for the latest Joe the Plumber puff piece, or allow Sean to tell you any thing that you might ever care to remember – than you might not be smart enough to call Jeff Foxworthy for your audition.

Also, the FOX friends may claim the real media wanted Obama to be elected, but there still does not exist any tape of any “journalist” providing this kind of hard interrogation.

#17. Stupid Comments on the 7’s: Right before his first day in office, Bush introduced us to his compelling argument for overhauling education, which would soon become the No Child Left Behind initiative: “Rarely is the question asked ...is our children learning?”

As the 2004 campaign trudged along, Bush found himself inadvertently continuing to defend the need for education reform in a August stump speech: “You can't read a newspaper if you can't read.”

As W. went to Congress in 2007 to claim the success of the NCLB, he summed up the problems of that 2001 bill in one simple statement: “As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.”


#16. No Child Left Behind: Bush continues to tout this massively distracting education bill as one of his great successes. The fact is, the only thing we really know about the NCLB is that it has created layers and layers of problems in the public school system it was designed to fix. By pushing this unfunded mandate onto the backs of the nation’s schools – which rely on a healthy economy for improvements – Bush hit education twice. First no educator of any regard believes that more testing and standards-based education is the way to lift learners out of the poverty, violence, and socioeconomic status issues that delay progress. Second, if there is no increase in funding because property taxes are dwindling, not only have the problems not been solved, but now every teacher is working under threat of firing if his or her students do not rise to the standards placed upon them. Don’t you think this might have an effect on how many teachers can go out and buy those shiny Fords and Chevy’s? Stupid.

#15. Dan Rather: Yes, I blame George W. Bush on the demise of Dan Rather. Had W. just joined the Navy like his dad, or gone to Vietnam like Al Gore, instead of joining the Texas Air National Guard, had he actually shown up for training, his physical, or one of several required role calls; had he just admitted he was a failure and that the National Guard was a diversion to deal with daddy issues; had he not surrounded himself with other chicken hawks like Cheney and Rumsfeld before declaring a costly and ill-conceived war; had he just not been such a jerk; Dan Rather would still have a job at CBS (betcha the McCain camp wishes Dan hadn’t turned the house over to Katie!) – or at least still be a more entertaining Letterman guest.

#14. When Bush Did Serve In the Military: W.’s only military tour came in 2004 when he and his band of brothers went on a mission into the deepest jungles of evil. The enemy: John Kerry. Seems this Kerry fellow actually did show up for duty back in the 60’s, saved some troops while under fire, got some medals and purple hearts, and now had the audacity of running for President. Bush and the black sheep squadron calling themselves Swift Vets for Truth went on a campaign of smear and lies against Kerry in an effort to do to the war hero what Bush and Rove had done to war hero Max Cleland a couple years earlier.

#13. Sarah Palin: I know that she and Bush did not co-exist. But, come one, if the Bush Administration conceived and gave birth to any one spawn, it was the Wacko from Wasilla. She has all of it: his way with words, his saber-rattling diplomacy, his breadth of knowledge of the issues, his ability to morph religion into public policy because it is good politics, his moral parenting skills, his disdain for the facts – especially those coming from scientists, his rational that oil will solve global warming, and could mangle a leader’s name as if she was channeling her inner W. But, her number one trait which is truly the DNA of George the creator – the unbridled, unashamed, arrogance.


#12. Richard Clarke: This one pains me the most to write. Had 9/11 happened and it was clearly a surprise; and no one person existed who actually tried to warn the President to pay attention to its perpetrators; and had no one person existed who had been clearly prepared to lead the new Administration through the threat of terror, than I might not be so upset. But Richard Clarke was that man, and Cheney, Rice, and Bush each passed up chances to get up to speed and possibly thwart an attack. So what happened when Clarke was identified as somebody the new Administration should have listened to? He got thrown under the Bush. Richard Clarke is the only member of the Bush Administration to ever apologize for 9/11. Richard Clarke is the only hero to ever work in this White House.

#11. The Victory Tour Minus Michael Jackson On Fire: I had not planned on adding to the list, but this past week made me realize I had to do some shuffling in order to add the outgoing President’s “Legacy Tour” to the reasons I can’t wait for this coming Tuesday. Bush (and Cheney) has gone all out these past couple weeks to meet the press, claim victory, deny failure, and even make new shit up. He started by claiming he should have received credit for his failed attempts to privatize social security – and it went downhill from there. The biggest loogey hocked on America was his assertion that Katrina was not a failure. And, as if he wants us to flip off the helicopter as it lifts off from the West Lawn, he spent his final address to the people saying things like when people "live in freedom, they do not willingly choose leaders who pursue campaigns of terror." Actually he may be right – we did not willingly choose him.