From Gobble to Grill

It has been a while since I filled the blog with anything of interest, so I hope this post offers somebody some encouragement. I am often asked about barbecuing turkeys since I became a convert many years ago. For me, there is nothing better than a slow roasted, tender, crispy-skinned and slightly smoky bird around Thanksgiving. Of course the ones my parents and in-laws oven-roast are fantastic since they come with years of love and experience. Mine, however, have been an offering for friends since Xtina and I launched the first “Franksgiving.”

That first event (1998 or ’99, I don’t know for sure) was simply a way for us to spend some Thanksgiving time with our good friends, The Calandros, and for me to try and barbecue a turkey – a notion I had been contemplating since a full-page article in the Telegram-Tribune (1997, I still refer to the yellowed newsprint) laid out the steps. We recognized that due to the perpetual-holiday-family-assignments, it was unlikely I would ever host a T-Day. Being one who loves to cook for lots of people, I just needed a different reason to cook – and since turkeys are more fun to share, and we rarely get to share this holiday outside of family; a friend-based tradition in our small kitchen was born.

This year I wanted to try and brine the turkey ahead of the grilling. I began brining chicken over the summer and have been loving the flavor. I used essentially the same process, with some helpful suggestions I found here. Although this only added a step to my normal grilling process, the results were amazing. So, if you are interested in how I came up with the best turkey yet – read on!

Turkey and Brine:
2 gallons water
1.5 cu kosher salt
Honey (I used about ¾ cu.)
Clementine peels (I ate three tangerines and threw in the peels)
Whole Cloves
4 Bay Leaves
Pepper
1 turkey (I like 20 lb-ers, this year was 21lbs.)
Olive oil
Seasoning (I used a salt-free Cajun spice mix)

1. The day before cooking I made the brine and prepped the turkey. First, I brought the water, salt, and honey to a boil and let it simmer until the salt dissolved and honey melted, threw in the peels, some cloves, bay leaves, and some pepper. About 20 minutes. I let the mixture cool to room temp.

2. You’ll need the turkey to be refrigerated and immersed in the brine, so this is a tricky step. I chose to use an ice chest and doubled kitchen bags. Clean and dry the turkey, and place it the bags in the cooler. Pour the brine into the bag, seal, and set in the cooler being sure the turkey is submerged. Lay ice over the bag and close the cooler. Refresh the ice at least twice to be sure you keep the bird refrigerated.

3. About an hour before cooking time (I put it in the brine at 1pm on Saturday and pulled it out at Noon on Sunday), get the bird out and rinse it thoroughly. Pat dry the turkey and truss it (which keeps juices intact). I like to rub it with olive oil and sprinkle it with a dry rub to make the skin crispy and flavorful.

4. Prep your grill. You’ll want a full charcoal chimney (you can do this on gas but why?) and let the coals get just white hot. Place them on two sides of the grill to create indirect heat. I soaked some applewood chips and threw them on for some extra smoke, but it isn’t necessary.

5. Put the bird in the pan on the grill. You can put the pan below the grate, but I find you collect more pan drippings for gravy this way. Close the lid and add some coals to each side every 45 minutes or so to keep the heat level. Also, rotate the pan a couple times to even things out. This bird took 4 hours. The cooking time is basically the same as an oven.

6. To finish, lift the bird and put it directly on the grate when it is around 170 in the breast. Leave it there for 30 minutes while you take the pan to collect the drippings and make gravy. The grate will sear and crisp the turkey. Pull off the turkey and let it sit 20-30 minutes before carving.

And there you go! This year’s turkey fell off the bone and had all the flavors of the brine with just a hint of spice from the rub. I made my usual pan drippings gravy but this year added some bacon and coffee (Bon Appetit talked me into it) and it was awesome! For the how-to on our family stuffing, go here.

I hope your Thanksgiving, or your Franksgiving, is filled with warmth and laughter.

365 Days and 50 Pounds Later...

I hope you will indulge this extremely self-centered post. On June 24, 2008 I decided to make a commitment to myself, and I wanted to document the results. On that day the County held a “health screening” for employees and I thought it would be worthwhile to go downtown and get a free cholesterol reading. I knew my weight was up, considering a month earlier I had to buy size 40 pants for a new outfit to wear at my best friend’s wedding, a size over the 38’s which had become standard since 2006; and I had recently visited the doctor for some back pain issues and saw that my weight had been up to 255 lbs.

In 2004/05, possibly in preparation for my high school reunion, I shaved about 30 pounds off my then-260-pound girth. But as soon as I went back to school for my grad degree, and had a second carpal-tunnel surgery, I gave up the gym and the weight was back. How could this be possible? I still thought of myself as “in—shape,” I mean, come on, I went to the gym every once in a while, and played softball WEEKLY! I did not eat “bad” foods. I just ate too much of everything – including the occasional cookie and all of its wholesome ingredients.

So why now? There were many planets aligning, and for some reason, I noticed. In February of last year I bought a cane. My lower back troubles had become so debilitating that I needed a cane to get in and out of my car and office chair. My doctor ordered physical therapy and recommended yoga. The PT was helpful, but a temporary fix. In March I started to go the Y for Saturday yoga classes. In very little time my cane was retired. But my back was just one symptom of a bigger problem.

My doctor is a wonderful guy. He has always focused on the positives of my health, while suggesting simple weight loss and exercise. He had often recommended a reasonable goal to lose 10% of my body weight. My blood pressure had climbed along with my cholesterol, however, and his comfort with putting me on meds was just one more way turning 40 was letting me down.

Around the time I was rocking the cane look, a bunch of folks at work were finding success with Weight Watchers and I began to think about another dip into the weight-loss world. But the math involved seemed too much of an obstacle. Work was also becoming increasingly busy beyond my control – so joining a structured plan like that seemed a set-up for failure. In April I saw my fit friend Jeremy and he looked FIT! He told me he had just taken advantage of his time to make running a priority. I didn’t start running – but his logic got to me. In May of last year my friends John and Eileen really lit the fuse. John had recently dropped a noticeable amount of weight and, considering he also did not need to do so, he looked great. And, happy. He had used the points system of Weight Watchers, and dropped the weight he wanted. But it was Eileen’s birthday party “fun-run” that resonated the most. I had fun, but couldn’t do much of the run. Another planet aligned.

Colin’s wedding and my involvement in a big work event each yielded another major siren – photos of me. A student took a picture of me at a meeting that scared me to death. I looked so tired and distant, and not at all healthy. I saw so many friends at the wedding I had not seen in many years – and when I came home to see the pictures I took with them, I was ashamed at how unkempt I appeared. Although, to be honest, I did not make any drastic plans to change at that point.

But at the Government Center on June 24th I came face-to-face with the tipping point. There, after weighing in at 250 and having my blood taken, a stranger sat me down behind a closed curtain. As she began going through her scripted review of my results, she became increasingly alarming. “Because your weight is this and your height is that, you are considered ‘obese.’” Well, I know that. I’m 5’8” and have been obese by all standards since I was in junior high. When she said, “Now, because your blood pressure is this, and your cholesterol is that, we must recommend that you see a doctor immediately,” I felt a cold heft of seriousness in her voice. She looked at me and asked if I could do that. "Soon."

That evening I came home, sat in my chair, and made a plan that I did not really know would lead me here. Lose 25 lbs. - 10% of my body weight. First, I thought about 2005 and recalled that I had liked workouts I subscribed to online by Men’s Health magazine’s website. As I surfed that site again and contemplated spending the $9.99 per month, I decided this time I would also use their diet recommendations to provide some discipline. I signed up for the “Belly-Off” plan and immediately had a workout regimen and a diet. But, within minutes I knew I would never be able to do the diet.

I am “the cooker” in the family, as Campbell once named me. I have to consider my girls whenever I think about making changes to the groceries and the meals. To contemplate what I needed to change – you see, I ate healthy – lots of whole grain bread and things cooked in olive oil! – I sat down and listed everything I had to eat in the two days previous. I learned that I was consuming over 2200 calories. Between my healthy Balance Bar for breakfast, and my pasta leftovers for lunch and grilled dinners and rice, topped off with only a cookie or three, I recognized it wasn’t about what foods to change – but how much. I noticed the MH recommendations called for me to reduce my calories to about 1900, with a split between Fat, Carbs and Protein of 30%, 30%, and 40%, respectively. I recalled my dad had turned me on to CalorieKing a few years back which, as of last June, provided a humongous database of foods broken down by percentages in those exact categories (sadly, the site moved to only report grams a few months back – so now I have to do math…ugh).

I created a spreadsheet and, remembering one of those tips I read in one of those “Get In Shape Before Summer” articles, began writing down everything I ate based on calories: fat, carbs, and protein. And I have done it every day since. It has become my nightly game – to see how close I can come to my targets without “dieting.” In fact, I would say I have eaten pretty well this past year. I just got smart. I love vegetables and fruit – but the simple act of taking in more of those while cutting that meat or carb portion down just a little makes a huge difference. That’s the extent of the diet. Sure, I tried to cut down on the sugar and processed foods, but those weren’t heavy staples of my diet before. Watching serving portions, oatmeal for breakfast (Quaker Weight Control – good stuff!), only one meal with bread, and no more midnight grazing were the things it took for me to make a big change.

As much as the diet did not change drastically, my physical activity had to. I began making the gym a daily routine on June 25, 2008. I have been a member of the nearby YMCA for many years, having even served on their Board, and yet, I was basically donating $33 per month to not take advantage of the facility. Campbell had begun swimming more competitively and was in the pool working out every day – I had to buck up and realize I could do the same. I have always liked weightlifting and the cardio was tolerable. The MH workout plans gave me great mixes of aerobic and resistance training, using interval methods to spark weight loss. The first ten pounds were off in a few weeks.

The first critical point came in late August. Jeff, a counselor at work, commented at a training that I looked like I had lost weight. This was the first time it got said out loud, and it felt great. And then Jenna, the manager at Peet’s said something during one of my weekly Friday morning stops. Those little moments (and there were more along the way from others) made a huge difference in keeping me on target.

I hit the 25 pound mark in September and knew I could keep going. It was never hard. Sure there were, and continue to be, annoying plateaus; but a plateau with 30 pounds off sure isn’t a big deal when you are buying new clothes! I changed my goal to “41x41” and attempted to drop 41 pounds by my late October birthday. I made it in November. It was then I realized that I felt different. We went to Disneyland before Christmas and for the first time I could recall, I was comfortable. I could fit in ride seats…I wasn’t sweating…I did not shy away from a run across the park to get to a new adventure. I was really happy.

And, for the first time in my life, I was cold. Xtina even knitted me a scarf and wool socks for the winter as I could not for the life of me get warm. I was having withdrawals from insulation! I also lost weight in my fingers (of course not where I had hoped) and my wedding ring slips off dangerously these days. And who knew my shoes would get loose too?!

In November my friend Patty at the Y suggested I could run a 5k, based on how much I had improved running on the treadmill. But I hate running, I said…and there are cars out there. But I did it, and came in with a respectable time of 31:42 (21st place amongst men). That led me to run outside a few more times. I just ran my second this past weekend and came in 17th, while dropping my time to 28:39. I only got beat by one dog and three kids. This year I plan to get on my bike, in the water, and playing tennis.

So, I end this 365th day weighing under 200 pounds. Blood pressure down. Cholesterol down. Pants and shirts sizes - down. Back pain down. More importantly, I feel great and ready to keep working hard. I am now making the commitment that I will not have to do all of this again. I don’t plan on ever being 165 pounds. But I’ll work towards staying happy and healthy, which I am.

Some very special expressions of love and gratitude for my amazing wife, Xtina, and daughters Allison, and Campbell – who has been so inspirational. Johnny C, Jason, and Kerry have been so tremendously supportive and motivating. I also have to thank all the awesome people at the Y, everybody there makes me feel welcome and special thanks to Jenifer, Nate and Patty for their support. Finally, all of the people at work who either supported my need to work around my gym schedule, or those who just said something encouraging – it went a long way, thanks.

Set the Dial to 1974

1974. Nixon gives up the tapes. Liddy goes to jail. The SLA gets Patty. Hank hits 715. The UPC bar code is born. Nixon resigns. Ford takes office. Evel Kneivel misses. Rumble. Jungle. Duke Ellington dies. Ryan Seacrest is born.

1974 also saw the release of two very distinct singles that each cracked AM radio's Top Ten. The first was a blue-eyed soul groover that launched the popularity of two Philadelphia students. The second was a soulful southern-fried pop hit by a band with a ridiculous name and a song with one hell of a hook.



2009 now witnesses the release of both singles again by the incomparable Howie Lunge Band as part of the ongoing 24 Hour Song Challenge! In the TFHSC 3.5, a follow-up to the now-legendary release of Obamakan, the band has returned to its roots: An A-side and B-side picked by me, collected from the gold-dust surrounding the 1970's AM Radio Top Ten bin, and then "requested" to the Lunge. With two studios in two American cities, the magic happens, almost overnight.



So, sit back, and grab some Fresca, do some macrame, and sit in a big purple bean bag with your pet rock- here comes the Howie Lunge Band!!!!!

A Side: The Howie Lunge Band - She's Gone

B Side: The Howie Lunge Band - Jackie Blue

Original A: Hall and Oates - She's Gone

Original B: The Ozark Mountain Daredevils - Jackie Blue

To File' or Not to File'

Well, you wouldn't know it walking the downtown streets of San Luis Obispo, but today is Mardi Gras. And it is awfully quiet. For two decades our little town hosted the biggest Fat Tuesday celebration west of New Orleans, and then stupid college students and the internets ruined it. I should say college-aged, since I doubt most of those idiots were ever accepted into a university. What? really?

Okay, back in the day I was the Mardi Gras Parade announcer and I loved it. For about 15 years I would show up with a sound system and set up a judges stand on a flat bed truck and hosted the center of the parade. I could be irreverent, unedited, and mediocre - it was an awesome gig. A few times I became the public safety announcer (a skill I developed during Poly Royal parades!) and towards the end, the last couple years of the event, the parade stopped being fun and just felt icky.

In my first years of Mardi Gras got fascinated by New Orleans cuisine. I developed a Jambalaya that is still a family cold-weather staple, and something I love to make for work pot-lucks. Xtina and I used to host a Mardi Gras dinner which would allow me to cook all weekend and make tons of food for friends, and explore all kinds of Cajun and Creole classics. This year, with no time to do it all, the girls voted for Gumbo. I thought I would share my recipe (which I have lightened where possible) and some pics, along with some of my favorite Mardi Gras tunes for you to play along as you cook up a pot of bon temps!

Frank's Mardi Gras Gumbo

Ingredients:

1/4 cu. canola oil

1/8 cu. olive oil

1/4 + 1/8 cu. flour

1 onion chopped

A couple bell peppers, chopped (about 1.5 cups)

1/2 bunch of celery chopped (about 1.5 cu)

4 cloves garlic chopped

2 links andouille sausage, sliced thin, or chopped

1/2 length smoked Turkey sausage (like Hillshire Farms) sliced thin or chopped

1 can diced tomatoes

4 cu water + 1 can chicken broth (fat free, low sodium)

1 breast of chicken chopped (+ 1/4 cu. flour and 1 tsp Cajun seasoning or cayenne)

1 can tomato paste

1 lb. shrimp

Hot sauce (like Frank's!), Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, thyme, basil, Italian parsley

Cooked rice (I use brown)

1. Start with a roux. Mix flour and oil in pot by constantly stirring over almost-high heat. Keep stirring. And stirring. And about 15-20 minutes later you should have a dark, chocolate-like roux. If you stop stirring it will burn and taste bad. Season with salt and pepper.

2. Throw in onions through garlic, and stir into roux, and cook about 5 minutes. Add sausages, 5 minutes more. Season with Worcestershire and a dash of Cajun seasoning.

3. Add tomato, stir. Add water and broth. Stir, and season with hot sauce. Bring to boil. Reduce heat, and simmer with lid slightly off, 2 hours. Stir a couple times.

4. Meanwhile toss the chicken with the seasoned flour in a bag and refrigerate.

5. Add the chicken to the pot, along with a handful of chopped parsley, some dried thyme and basil. Cook 1.5 hours.

6. Add the tomato paste, and stir.

7. Add the shrimp and cook about 20 minutes more, until shrimp is pink.

8. Bowl. Gumbo. Rice. File' powder if you want. Enjoy!

(If you care, this makes at least 8 servings...and a bowl with a 1/2 cup of rice is approx. 391 calories; 129 cal fat, 152 cal carbs, 110 cal protein)

Elvis Costello and the Dirty Dozen Brass Band - That's How You Got Killed Before

The Dirty Dozen Brass Band - Lil' Liza Jane

Fats Domino - Jambalaya (On the Bayou)

Oliver Morgan - Who Shot the LaLa?

The Best of 2008 Podcast is Here!

The 2nd ever Best Of podcast is launched here. And since this blog was created with the sole intention of me putting out regular podcasts and music it is with great embarrassment that I admit this is only the 2nd podcast in a year!

But that should all be changing. I am going to try very hard this year to keep the blog posting current, and generate a podcast on the first (or second) of each month! That's right, you heard me. And I hope you'll hold me to it.

For this year's Best Of, I chose to create two sides (segments) for those of you who thought the 90 minute download was too much. I am still thinking of these in terms of my old cassette versions, so I shoot to widdle my list down to 90 minutes. My random "deejay" entries are not great, but they do sound better! Colin Campbell donated a Rode Podcaster mic to the cause and after I figure out how best to use it, I am sure the podcasts will improve. As always, much thanks, as always, goes to MPKTR benefactor Jason Wells.

This year's favorites run the gamut from classic snap, to funky crackle, and sublime pop. Please listen and let me know if you find a fave or two. I will also post my top ten albums of the year here...

...and if you want to hear last year's podcast, that can be found here.

Since my covers have always tried to capture a moment in the year, this one combines many influences, and features the only two members of the Palin family worthy of being part of The Best of 2008!

Frank's Best of 2008 - Side 1

Poi Dog Pondering - Lemon Drop Man (7)
Jenny Lewis - Carpetbaggers (Acid Tongue)
OK Go and Bonerama- A Million Ways (Live on Letterman 2-11-08)
The Virgins -Rich Girls (SXSW 2008 Showcasing Artists)
Flight Of The Conchords - Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros (Flight Of The Conchords)
Chris Difford - Broken Family (The Last Temptation of Chris)
The Alarm - Hit the Ground Running (Guerilla Tactics)
Josh Ritter - To The Dogs or Whoever (Live on Letterman)
The Futureheads vs Alphabeat - Hounds Of Love vs Fascination
Alphabeat - What Is Happening (This is Alphabeat) * I mistakenly referred to them as a Swedish pop act - they are Danis. My apologies.
Glen Campbell - Sing (Meet Glen Campbell)
Old 97's - Ride (Blame It On Gravity)
The Decemberists - Valerie Plame (Always The Bridesmaid: A Singles Series)

Frank's Best of 2008 - Side 2

The Ting Tings - Great DJ (We Started Nothing)
M83 - Kim & Jessie (Saturdays = Youth)
Conan O'Brien - 40 Days (Live on Late Night w/ Conan O’'Brien)
Colin Meloy - We Both Go Down Together (Colin Meloy Sings Live!)
Raphael Saadiq - 100 Yard Dash (The Way I See It)
Q-Tip - Gettin Up (The Renaissance)
Adele - Cold Shoulder (19)
Vampire Weekend- A-Punk (Saturday Night Live 03-08-2008)
Joe Jackson - Too Tough (Rain)
Robert Forster - It Ain't Easy (The Evangelist)
Ra Ra Riot - Can You Tell (The Rhumb Line)
The Howie Lunge Band - Come Sail Away (MPKTRS)

*Warning: Some language in some songs may require some discussions with some children.

** Subscribe to this podcast (through RSS or itunes) and receive all the updates when they post!

From Zep to Oz: The 24 Hour Song Challenge 2.5

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Prepare to lunge into a new era with the latest 24 Hour Song Challenge!

Fans of the Challenge may recall that it is simply a jukebox game where I get to play the deejay, and the brilliant KC and Brad bring the dream to life. Over multiple tracks, from multiple cities, under multiple deadlines, with multiple levels of rock-assity.

For this Challenge, we decided it should be celebratory of the times. Conceived before the Inauguration, we each discussed songs that seemed to fit the moment - for one reason or another. Since the original challenge dictated that songs must be selected from the lexicon of 70's AM Gold; I attempted to stay well within the rules. But when you are on Planet Brad, all things are possible, and a bridge to the future was built upon the past - and the desire to hear certain songs sung red, white and blue.

The medley that is about to blow your mind celebrates the son of an Immigrant, being passed the torch from a Son of war, spreading Love amongst the masses, to put on a global party Down by the Potomac.

So, hear for your headphones, party blaster speakers, boom-box, cubicle pod-stax, or just to crank to the heavens above, comes the medley that could only be the creation of The Howie Lunge Band:

The Howie Lunge Band - Obamakan

Personnel:
Howie: Drums, bass, hammond, left-speaker rhythm guitar and Neil vox
Howie: Right speaker lead guitar and all other vocals

You can check out The Howie Lunge Band's Facebook Page Here

Don't Let The Door Hit You

“Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgment day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away. "

This Is The End

And so here I present the end of the list. I have already recounted 90 reasons I am celebrating the inauguration and the departure of George W. Bush. Today, on Bush’s final full day in office, I present the Top 10. These are all pretty well-documented, so I will try to keep it brief. I need to be done listing these things so I can be relaxed enough to enjoy Tuesday:

#10. Dick Cheney: George’s first act as a “decider” came when his daddy’s people made the decision to have old pro Cheney take over, lest anything big happen. It was often comical how little W. and Co. tried to hide the fact that Cheney wore the power pants in the relationship. With too many to choose, my least favorite Cheney moment may still be the 2004 debate with John Edwards when the Democratic contender politely reminded the arrogant jerk (after Cheney had said he was meeting Edwards for the very first time "on this stage") that the two had actually met and spent a little time together - and it was all caught on the videotape. It summed up Cheney at his most dismissive and pissy. Oh, that and the time some guy told him to “f**k off” in New Orleans.

#9. Karl Rove: The Puppet Master had his creepy hands on nearly every item on this list. When you bring a guy whose resume includes Watergate and seat him at the right hand of the Oval, you are basically saying – Guess what America…don’t expect a whole lot of truth. Rove developed the message and W. stuck to it. In my estimation the message he crafted was one of Fear. Rove created enemies, axes of evil and black and white arch characters who made it easy to demonize. Bush just played the mushroom clouded tune.

#8. Alberto Gonzales: How will we decide the worst thing about the worst Attorney General ever? Will it be the firing of federal attorneys across the country who favored fairness over party? Will it be the approval and allowance of torture, putting soldiers at risk for brutal retaliation, and putting America on par with brutal regimes across history? How about the abusive use of the Patriot Act and the shredding of the Constitution? Or the complete dismissal of the American people when testifying that he remembered NOTHING of his time in office? Or the hundreds of “missing” emails between Gonzales and the White House that is about as possible as Barney having ate Alberto’s homework? No, the worst thing about Gonzalez is that he, because of Bush, Rove, and Cheney – and the politics of fear - got away with it all.

#7. Stupidest Comment on the 7’s: Still, the Bushism to end all Bushisms, this one was both sadly comical, and frighteningly Freudian:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004



#6. 9/11 and The Big Lie: I won’t go into much detail because anybody reading this can tell you that the attacks of September 11, 2001 were the lowest point of the past 8 years – regardless of who was President. But George W. Bush was the President, and three crimes occurred stemming from that day which, for me, will never allow him grace. The first is that it happened. It happened and he could have, at the least, been prepared. The second is that he continues to this day to claim he has kept us safe for the past seven years as if 9/11 never happened! This is the biggest deceit of the neo-Cons and one anyone with a brain must bat down the minute it is floated. That we have not had a physical attack on U.S. soil in seven years is great, but that is not because George Bush is President. We did get hit while he was President, and if he is taking credit for every day after 9-11-01, then he better as hell accept some responsibility for the months preceding that attack. Finally, Bush used 9-11 to launch an unnecessary war in the name of avenging the loss of 2,973 lives. The day the death toll in Iraq hit that number I wept, knowing he had just done it again.

#5. Iraq. There were no Weapons of Mass Destruction. There was no al Qaeda. There was no Osama Bin Laden. There was no chance for democracy. There was no honor. But Bush’s lies and misdemeanors were spread across our Nation in the form of red, white, and blue ribbon stickers on the backs of minivans and SUVs. “You are either with us” or with the terrorists, replaced open debate and investigation. On September 11, I warned friends that I was afraid Bush would take us into a war, when we should immediately rebuild the towers if we truly wanted to piss off the terrorists. But Bush came into office ready to finish what his dad started. And what did we get? Not safety, not less alQaeda, not more oil, and certainly not thousands of American soldiers leading a fight for human rights and safety across the globe. We could have rebuilt the World Trade Center several times over by now.

#4. The 2004 Election: Nothing can get me more angry in a shorter time than when I start thinking about the 2004 election. Mainly because we knew most everything that is included in this list before then – yet Americans were still gripped by the fear and lies that ooze from every pore of this Administration. Whether it was Swift Boats, the We-Hate-The-Troops-So-Much-We'll-Mock-Heroism-by-Placing-Purple-Heart-Band-Aids-On-At-Our-Convention, or voting crimes in Ohio, Bush suggesting Bin Laden was not that big of a concern, or just the level of creepiness which rained down every time Cheney would threaten an audience by painting John Kerry as a target for terror. But we knew about the lack of WMD, the lies to get into Iraq, the abuse of power, the rotten economy, no jobs, and that friggin’ Mission Accomplished stunt. Yet he won and then claimed a mandate. I honestly believe that if you voted for George W. Bush in 2004, you should not be allowed to vote…ever.

#3. Hurricane Katrina: I know George W. Bush is not responsible for the actual hurricane. But if his buddy Jerry Falwell can blame 9/11 on gay people, then I’ll go ahead and blame the actual hurricane on W. And the lack of response. And the racist comments by his mom.

#2. Dennis Miller: I know what you’re saying. “Huh?” But this is the high crime that should have led straight to the impeachment of George W. Bush. He made Dennis Miller stop being funny. I want Dennis Miller back. He drank the Kool-Aid at some point and we may have lost him for good.

And the Number One Reason I Am Celebrating the Departure of George W. Bush is:

#1. Valerie Plame: No incident, in my opinion, summed up the arrogance, evil, and ineptitude of George W. Bush’s residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue more than the outing of Valerie Plame. When the Administration, led by all of the names listed above, decided that the best way to deal with a doubter – in this case a public servant who told the truth about there being no nuclear materials being sold to Iraq despite the President’s public insistence/lying – was to make public that official's wife who was a covert CIA operative working on Middle East intelligence, they completely shattered any illusion that they were working to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. Yes, Katrina, Iraq, and 9-11 cost many lives and billions of dollars. But in this act of treason (and, according to Bush Sr., this was treason) W. cast his entire Presidency in a shadow of fraud, pettiness, and disgrace.

Mp3: The Decemberists - Valerie Plame



As I look back over this list, I am sad. I am reminded of the lyrics from a cheesy Vietnam-era protest fable which seems so ironic at this moment:

“Go ahead and hate your neighbor,Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgment day,On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away. "

Lame....DUCK!

There’s only two days left of the Bush Administration, and two more posts left to complete my list of 100 Reasons I will celebrate Tuesday’s Inauguration – a project that began almost 100 days ago. As we get close to the Top 10, it seems all of today’s list could have made it. And, in some instances, so could most of Reasons 100-21. Some of this installment of the list deal with broader themes, rather than individual moments of idiocy. I will post the Top 10 on Monday – Bush’s final day in Washington, D.C. You know, I just don’t think we’ll see him going back there much.

#20. Bush the Economist: I don’t think I need to spend a great deal of time pointing out the obvious. On January 20, 2001 Bill Clinton handed W. $128 Billion (with a B) extra dollars the country had saved up. Bush would have us believe that the reason he never posted a surplus in his eight years, and the reason we are facing the largest deficit ever, is because 19 terrorists flew jets into the World Trade Center. But history has already judged him on this one. The attacks of 9/11 did not cost $128B, nor did they immediately shut down the nation’s ability to generate income and reduce spending. The Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan cost a lot (especially because we paid extra for Cheney’s buddies to get paid, and that $9 billion Paul Bremer lost didn’t help), but did not cripple the economy. Three major factors will be forever embarrassing to his Harvard business professors: First, Bush never seemed to care about jobs, until he could brag about “surprising” growth in his second term. Jobs would have built the economy, and maybe a tower… or two; Second, the blind eye turned to the ridiculous mortgage boom by him and his genius fiscal advisers allowed him to look like a hero to every infomercial real estate millionaire; Third, the tax-cuts for corporations and wealthy individuals was some kind of weird tribute to the failures of Ronald Reagan – as if he was pissing off Daddy one more time by embracing the “voodoo economics” his own father dismissed as ineffective.

#19. The Corpus Christi Killer: This list would not have had so much absurdity and thrill if it weren’t for Dick Cheney. The ultimate moment of pleasure for Bush must have been the day people stopped focusing on his ineptitude and turned the national embarrassment spotlight on Harry Whittington. When Dick Shot Harry is one of those fables of our time that I cannot wait to tell my grandchildren. I’ll leave in all the horror – the Veep “hunting” in a private, guaranteed-kill reserve; the fact he was hunting a bird that would be just as easy to shoot in the wild; the drinking; the cover-up; the drinking; and the fact that the victim is so afraid of Dick that he practically apologized for getting in the way of the birdshot. Birdshot, by the way, being a spray of a bunch of little bullets, so you don’t actually have to aim!

#18. FOX News: Oh the Hannity Inanity! I know people who actually watch this channel and call it the “news,” despite there being absolutely nothing of substance included. Listen, I know my conservative friends are excited that other stations finally grew a pair to try to bring some journalism and truth into new reporting on cable – so now they can demonize MSNBC and CNN. But, seriously, the FOX Cavalcade of Crazy should embarrass any grown adult. If you want to listen to Bill O for moral advice, or seek out Greta for integrity-filled interviews, or watch Geraldo for his reputation for maturity, or Neil for the latest Joe the Plumber puff piece, or allow Sean to tell you any thing that you might ever care to remember – than you might not be smart enough to call Jeff Foxworthy for your audition.

Also, the FOX friends may claim the real media wanted Obama to be elected, but there still does not exist any tape of any “journalist” providing this kind of hard interrogation.

#17. Stupid Comments on the 7’s: Right before his first day in office, Bush introduced us to his compelling argument for overhauling education, which would soon become the No Child Left Behind initiative: “Rarely is the question asked ...is our children learning?”

As the 2004 campaign trudged along, Bush found himself inadvertently continuing to defend the need for education reform in a August stump speech: “You can't read a newspaper if you can't read.”

As W. went to Congress in 2007 to claim the success of the NCLB, he summed up the problems of that 2001 bill in one simple statement: “As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.”


#16. No Child Left Behind: Bush continues to tout this massively distracting education bill as one of his great successes. The fact is, the only thing we really know about the NCLB is that it has created layers and layers of problems in the public school system it was designed to fix. By pushing this unfunded mandate onto the backs of the nation’s schools – which rely on a healthy economy for improvements – Bush hit education twice. First no educator of any regard believes that more testing and standards-based education is the way to lift learners out of the poverty, violence, and socioeconomic status issues that delay progress. Second, if there is no increase in funding because property taxes are dwindling, not only have the problems not been solved, but now every teacher is working under threat of firing if his or her students do not rise to the standards placed upon them. Don’t you think this might have an effect on how many teachers can go out and buy those shiny Fords and Chevy’s? Stupid.

#15. Dan Rather: Yes, I blame George W. Bush on the demise of Dan Rather. Had W. just joined the Navy like his dad, or gone to Vietnam like Al Gore, instead of joining the Texas Air National Guard, had he actually shown up for training, his physical, or one of several required role calls; had he just admitted he was a failure and that the National Guard was a diversion to deal with daddy issues; had he not surrounded himself with other chicken hawks like Cheney and Rumsfeld before declaring a costly and ill-conceived war; had he just not been such a jerk; Dan Rather would still have a job at CBS (betcha the McCain camp wishes Dan hadn’t turned the house over to Katie!) – or at least still be a more entertaining Letterman guest.

#14. When Bush Did Serve In the Military: W.’s only military tour came in 2004 when he and his band of brothers went on a mission into the deepest jungles of evil. The enemy: John Kerry. Seems this Kerry fellow actually did show up for duty back in the 60’s, saved some troops while under fire, got some medals and purple hearts, and now had the audacity of running for President. Bush and the black sheep squadron calling themselves Swift Vets for Truth went on a campaign of smear and lies against Kerry in an effort to do to the war hero what Bush and Rove had done to war hero Max Cleland a couple years earlier.

#13. Sarah Palin: I know that she and Bush did not co-exist. But, come one, if the Bush Administration conceived and gave birth to any one spawn, it was the Wacko from Wasilla. She has all of it: his way with words, his saber-rattling diplomacy, his breadth of knowledge of the issues, his ability to morph religion into public policy because it is good politics, his moral parenting skills, his disdain for the facts – especially those coming from scientists, his rational that oil will solve global warming, and could mangle a leader’s name as if she was channeling her inner W. But, her number one trait which is truly the DNA of George the creator – the unbridled, unashamed, arrogance.


#12. Richard Clarke: This one pains me the most to write. Had 9/11 happened and it was clearly a surprise; and no one person existed who actually tried to warn the President to pay attention to its perpetrators; and had no one person existed who had been clearly prepared to lead the new Administration through the threat of terror, than I might not be so upset. But Richard Clarke was that man, and Cheney, Rice, and Bush each passed up chances to get up to speed and possibly thwart an attack. So what happened when Clarke was identified as somebody the new Administration should have listened to? He got thrown under the Bush. Richard Clarke is the only member of the Bush Administration to ever apologize for 9/11. Richard Clarke is the only hero to ever work in this White House.

#11. The Victory Tour Minus Michael Jackson On Fire: I had not planned on adding to the list, but this past week made me realize I had to do some shuffling in order to add the outgoing President’s “Legacy Tour” to the reasons I can’t wait for this coming Tuesday. Bush (and Cheney) has gone all out these past couple weeks to meet the press, claim victory, deny failure, and even make new shit up. He started by claiming he should have received credit for his failed attempts to privatize social security – and it went downhill from there. The biggest loogey hocked on America was his assertion that Katrina was not a failure. And, as if he wants us to flip off the helicopter as it lifts off from the West Lawn, he spent his final address to the people saying things like when people "live in freedom, they do not willingly choose leaders who pursue campaigns of terror." Actually he may be right – we did not willingly choose him.

And Down The Stretch They Come!

So, the list continues. The 100 Reasons are now down to 30. My plan is to post the Top 20 over the weekend and the Top 10 by Monday. What will be the Number One reason I will celebrate Tuesday? Make a guess if you'd like! Or just keep reading...

#30. The Dixie Constitutionalists: So when Natalie Maines triggered the stupidest country music hullaballoo since Roy Clark called Porter Waggoner a communist on an episode of Hee Haw, we at least got a good documentary - although we lost a little bit of our First Amendment Soul. The right-wing fall-out was a national embarrassment as far I was concerned, and it told the rest of the world just how insane we were….er….almost…

#29. Freedom Fries. I forgot about that one. The France backlash (including Rumsfeld’s “old Europe” tag) was just plain sad. Bill O’Reilly and his band of Idiots fueled this ridiculous “anger” towards a friendly nation who’s biggest crime was joining 90% of the globe in condemning Bush’s War allowed Congressmen – grown adults – to suggest people pour French wine down the drain. That’ll do it. Um, the wine has already been paid for geniuses, and they were already spending the money…on health care and education. I also thought it was crazy when Larry Bird tried to change his home town’s name to Freedom Lick, Indiana.

#28. Once They Were Lost Now They Are Found Pt. 1: Colin Powell cannot be forgiven for going to the U.N. chock full of hooey and props and lies about WMD. Now, one could argue that he was just doing his job, but come on. He knew there was no “there” there. So Powell has spent the last four-plus years trying to lay low, waiting to make his redemption wash away those images of him and the vial filled with baking soda. He did so, in a pretty big way, by endorsing Obama right around the same time his old bosses were putting their arms around John McCain. But then, there’ll always be that video of him in a Village People skit during the height of wartime.

#27. Stupid Comments on the 7’s and Once They Were Lost Now They Are Found Pt. 2: “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” So said George W. Bush in the aftermath of the Hurricane Katrina Disaster about Michael Brown, the former horse show judge made head of FEMA, who was overseeing the biggest government failure since Mission Accomplished. Brown, after video was later released showing him trying to at least get Bush to acknowledge that the storm was a real thing and not the radar screen was not a video game, went on to fall on the sword and try to be a role model for others. It did not work.

#26. Once They Were Lost Now They Are Found Pt. 3 - Scott McClellan: Or did it? Scott McClellan was my least favorite WH Press Secretary as he was there for most of the lying during the Golden Years of the Plummeting Approval. But McClellan took one David Gregory beat-down too many. He left the job and turned coat. He wrote a somewhat scathing book about his former hero/boss – although not quite making news – that did one good thing, it showed how loyalty in the Bush administration flows one way only. Under the bus you go Scotty!

#25. George Tenet. This choice was a slam dunk!

#24. Mark Foley: If Bush can be proud of any one accomplishment it might just be his introduction of Amoral Ambiguity as the platform of the Republican Party. Never has Washington been so infused with social and policy hypocrisy. The Party of Fiscal Conservatives have long been bigger tax and spenders, but during the W. years we got to meet some of the worst kinds of Bush-ocrites. Remember Foley? He liked to email young Pages with naughty sex stuff. Even while he was writing, and Bush was signing, a bill toughening penalties on sexual predators on the web.

#23. Larry Craig. Then there was Larry. He loves his wife. He hated Bill Clinton (called him a “naughty boy”). He hated Barney Frank (pushed to have him kicked out of Congress for being involved with gay prostitution ring). He loved singing with Trent Lott. He hated same-sex marriage. He hated hate crime punishments. He loved the gay sex.

#22. Jack Abramoff: The crimes of Jack will make your head spin. Just one more W. buddy who will be unavailable for golf for 5-8 years after Bush leaves office.

#21. Toby Keith: I figured I’d bring this chunk of the list full circle. Toby was a democrat. Then came 9/11. And as if somehow the terrorists scared a donkey into an elephant, Toby became the country music poster-boy for the Bush Administration. Singing for the troops, threatening Sadaam Hussein in only the way a guy on the Dreamworks Nashville label could, and going all-indignant on the Dixie Chicks. Then, like only a pop guitar slinging video-of-the-year award winner born in a town called Clinton, and with a record and movie about to drop could – he up and turned against the war and did not endorse the soldier.

The Final Days – 40 Reason Left

#40. No Hero…but a Pet Goat: Who can forget those seven minutes after WH Chief of Staff Andy Card told President Bush that a second plane had been flown into the World Trade Center and that the United States was under attack? Not the children of Emma Booker Elementary in Sarasota. They know those moments as the time the President of the United States hung out with them to hear the end of The Pet Goat, the literary bedrock of Bush’s 9/11 response. Seven minutes he sat there, claiming later to not want to scare the kids. Hey, how about the Secret Service getting the man out of the building and not keeping the children at risk? How about the President excusing himself to get more details from his staff, or get on the phone with CentCom, or to get to the teacher’s lounge to or call Laura to see if she is watching it on the t.v., or calling his daughters to be sure they are not too drunk to get up and go to the store and get him this great book he just read.

#39. Harriet Miers: Oh, Harriet. Picked by W. to be a Supreme Court Justice when your only qualifications were your claim that Bush was “the most brilliant man” you had ever met. Ever? No, Harriet, you were not qualified, and the idea of you as Attorney General to follow Alberto Gonzalez actually made Bush’s buddies mad. So, you left and then we found out your fingerprints are all over the U.S. Attorney dismissal scandal. You refused to testify or provide documentation because your boss said you didn’t have to. Both houses of Congress voted to hold you in contempt for not showing up to testify. Nice.

#38. Kenny-Boy: When I first heard about the collapse of Enron and the scandalous allegations of this corporate giant pilfering millions from its own investors, I admit I didn’t understand it all. I admit today that I still don’t understand anything about securities fraud. What I do know is stupidity. Bush had Cheney to strong-arm energy companies across the country to employ Enron. Lay made millions. So did his investors. So he took their money. Bush just shrugged his shoulders, never having to answer for their relationship because Enron failed (laying off 20,000) in the months following 9/11 – Bush’s Teflon.

#37. Stupid Comments on the 7’s: The quote which made Farenheit 911 seem almost fictional.


#36. The President’s Other War Pt.1 Pt. 2: I previously pointed out that, simply put, this President was not a fan of science. No amount of empirical evidence could phase him on such not-so-confusing issues like embryonic cell research (not abortion by the way). But, for a second look at this reason, I’ll let a good doctor (not Bill Frist) do the explaining.

#35. Terri Schiavo: I can’t really blame Bush for the Schiavo debacle, but it certainly did not help that the doctor he thought so highly of as the Speaker of the House could not tell after looking at a “videotape,” whether this woman, clearly in a vegetative state was actually in a vegetative state. "I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office." Serious doctors seemed to grumble. The Congress (in the middle of two wars, mind you) leaped into action to stop the woman from being pulled off life support (despite her wishes and the fact she was brain dead). Now, here is where it gets Bush-wacky: After Congress “acted,” the President CUT SHORT HIS VACATION to come back to Washington to sign the bill. Um, he didn’t cut his vacation short to deal with Katrina (that's him playing around after New Orleans flooded). Oh, and by the way, autopsy reports confirmed that Bill Frist was an idiot.

#34. Politically Incorrectly Abusive: On September 17, 2001 Bill Maher on his Politically Incorrect political talk show, talked, and said this about Bush’s comment that the terrorists were cowards: "We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." Right or wrong, it was a debatable string of words that could not damage 230 years of prosperity. Yet, it was the first indication that Bush’s America would not allow free speech or debate. Suddenly you either “with us” or supporting the terrorists. Listen, I like Maher, I don’t love every thought of his, but America lost a little part of its soul when this happened.

#33. Tom Delay: Seriously evil. One of Bush’s personal demons. Like the coke and the booze.

#32. Mom Issues: Did you watch HBO’s John Adams? And how about that Abigail? Remarkable. Do you think the first First Lady Who Also Became Mother of the President would have said this about the Katrina refugees forced to relocate hundreds of miles from home into the crowded, chaotic Houston Astrodome:
“What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.”
Me either.

#31. The U.S. Attorney Scandal: This Bushism seems to be mostly forgotten, but not by those Americans affected by, or concerned with, politically-motivated crime. Not since Watergate has an Administration been so clearly linked to operating under the umbrella of party and politics. In this case, at least seven U.S. Attorneys, all with exemplary records and work reviews, were let go. Their deficiency? They were not “loyal Bushies” as the Attorney General’s officials told Congress. Not loyal to Bush or the Republican Party. In other words, they were independently judicious. Or fair. And the fish just kept rotting. Hidden emails, Rove, Miers, lies, testimony, contempt of court, and no punishment for Alberto or George.

The Torture Ten

The countdown trudges on now through a bunch of stuff I wish I never had to write - even when compiling a list of the underachievements of this President.

#50. Abu Ghraib. Do I need to explain?

#49. Donald Rumsfeld: Of all the #$%^ this #@$^#&* son-of-a-#$%^@ ever pulled, the all-time low was his outing of the army specialist who found and turned in the photos which documented the despicable acts at Abu Ghraib. Rumsfeld deserves to be tried for war crimes or, at the very least, forced to make out with Lynndie England.

#48. Hey, what happened to those CIA Tapes? When the tapes, showing harsh tortuous techniques being used on alQaeda suspects were reported destroyed by the CIA…well, that was a small problem since the Administration said there were no tapes to begin with – especially when asked for material to be provided to its own 9/11 commission.

#47. Stupid Comments on the 7’s: “No President has ever done more for human rights than I have.” The New Yorker, January 19, 2004. Sorry Lincoln. And Truman. And FDR. And the other 40.

#46. Private Practice: As if contracting out the war to fill Cheney’s 401k wasn’t bad enough, the Bush Administration never took responsibility for the atrocities committed in the name of the U.S. by private “military” personnel who tortured at abuGhraib and elsewhere. What disturbs me most here is that for all of the posturing of Bush’s right-wing following over “Supporting the Troops” the underbidding of this war was so completely anti-troop. Private torturers made more money and faced far less threat of punishment (no court-martial in the private sector) for carrying out US business.

#45. Dana Perino: The last WH Press Secretary will probably end up the most successful post-Bush. Could be ‘cause she’s easy on the eyes. Could be she only had to maintain the lowest approval ratings possible; she was not there to watch them plummet. However, she will be remembered for some doozies. None sum up her ability to flat out lie or represent the arrogance of her boss like this gem, a solid defense of her boss’ defense of torture.

#44. Guantanamo Bay: Not the tropical destination the name implies.

#43. The Worst Thing About Torture Is Not That It Hurts: No, it probably is that it hurts. But for those of us currently free from having to be chained naked to a cold floor overnight in a brick factory, the problem with torture is that it made us Americans less than who we believed we had become. We have grown up believing we were better than slavery, better than depopulation of the American Indian, better than racism, better than Japanese internment camps, etc. But when we hold suspects without due process, when we smear them in fecal matter and take their picture, when we capture and detain citizens who merely share the names of foreign adversaries, we make ourselves the very tyrants we fooled ourselves into believing we had risen above.

#42. Extraordinary Rendition: How do you get away with torture? Well, if you are the Bush Administration, you simply take prisoners out of your military camps and prisons – where torture is frowned upon now that those abuGhraib photos got posted – and airlift them somewhere, like Afghanistan, where it won’t be so…um…looked down upon.

#41. Waterboarding.

The Countdown Gets Closer to #50

The list of things that have given me heartburn and heartache over the past eight years continues here as we celebrate the last days of the George W. Bush presidency.

#60. Free Basing on Faith Based: W. made it clear from the get-go that darnit, if he got sober from going to AA held in the back room of some church, than that was good enough for you. Bush’s immediate efforts to lock church and state up tight included millions given to churches for drug treatment, where addicts could learn that their disease was actually just a sin and that belief and repeated sayings would work better than detox, science, and education. Thankfully Administration sinners like David Kuo got religion and left that house of unholy and told the truth.

#59. Karen Hughes

#58. The Coalition of the Useless: Bush will never be able to provide any decent explanation for why, if Sadaam was really such a threat, many more nations did not rise to the occasion of a simple shock and awe-shucks campaign to make the world safer. Yes, Tony Blair brought out the big guns, including a couple princes, and so did, um, uh, er, Australia? Actually that’s why the former PM is getting to stay in the Blair House forcing the Obamas to get a hotel room.

#57. Stupid Comments on the 7’s: One of my “Did-he-really-just-say-that? moments came during the summer of the 2004 campaign at his Crawford ranch. But it wasn’t about the campaign, it was about the Olympics. After a week of the Athens games, W was asked what, so far, he liked about the Olympics. Mind you this was after a week of the breathtaking debut of Michael Phelps, the USA Women’s softball dynasty, the Dream Team, the USA Swimming Team domination and so on and so on:
Q: You're not going to Athens this week, are you?
BUSH: Athens, Texas?
Q: Ol — the Olympics, in Greece.
BUSH: Oh, the Olympics? No, I'm not.
Q: Have you been watching them?
BUSH: Oh, yeah, yeah, it's been exciting.
Q: Any particular moment stand out?
BUSH: Umm — particular moment? I like the — let's see — uhhhm — Iraqi soccer. I liked — I liked seein' the Afghan woman carryin' the flag comin' in. I loved, uhh — you know, our gymnasts. I've been watching the swimming. I like th' — I've seen a lot, yeah. Listen, thank you all.
Crawford, Texas, Aug. 23, 2004
Post script: Yeah, the Iraqi Soccer team ended up publicly blasting the President for his politicizing of their triumph. That, and the bombs which had killed several innocent members of the players’ families.

#56. The Kyoto Protocol is the first international agreement to fight global warming. It was signed by 141 nations, including all European and all other developed industrial nations except the US and Australia. Frickin’ Blair House again!

#55. Campaign Terrorism: Bush must take some of the blame for the Republican/Right Wing embrace of his puppet-master, Karl Rove. First, Bush campaigns against John McCain in 2000 using robo-calls which suggest McCain’s adopted daughter is somehow not his (oh, and that the Bangladeshan was “black”). Then in 2002, Karl Went Down To Georgia looking for a soul to steal. It was R-Sen. Saxby Chambliss. Chambliss ran against a legitimate, bonafide, limbs-shot-off Vietnam War vet hero. His Rove-ian Chicken Hawk tactic? TV ads depicting Cleland as Osama BinLaden and Sadaam Hussein…months after one of those villains attacked the US; and we attacked the other.

#54. That Darn P.D.B.: Seriously. They told you what these things were right? And that your job was to read them AND do something about them.

#53. Bush Loves Celebrity: Yes, but unfortunately he chose to make celebrities out of two Americans who did not deserve his special brand of starmaking. Jessica Lynch was a farm girl with poster-ready cuteness who became a POW after her squad made a wrong turn and were ambushed. Her fabled fight and rescue became Bush’s best argument for the war which would then produce heroes like hottie Jennifer. One of those heroes was former NFL player Pat Tillman, killed during the 2004 Presidential campaign. Bush seized the opportunity to align himself with the rugged hero who signed up after being lied to by Bush about the connection between the war and 9/11. The Tillman family and Pat’s colleagues were not amused. Turns out, Tillman was killed by three bullets to the head…by friendly fire. Lynch and the Tillman family all became vocal critics of the war.

#52. Condoleeza Rice.

#51. A Fake Turkey and A Real One. That the U.S. Government went to the lengths it did to haul a plastic turkey all the way to Iraq so George could pretend that all things were normal for the troops with a surprise visit to the Extremely Green Zone is just overwhelming to me.

Marching On

And the march to the Top Ten reasons I cannot wait for Inauguration Day continues:

#75. Blair House: The Bush Family were asked by the Obama Family to move into the Federally-owned guest house traditionally used by incoming Presidents a few days earlier than scheduled so the First Daughters-elect could be in a house when starting school. The Bush’s said the place already had a booking – obviously it must be something or somebody more important or prestigious that could not be moved or rescheduled, right? Nope. They lied. There was nothing scheduled…until a few days later…and the big, unmovable, extremely high-priority booking? The Australian PM. I mean, the ex-PM. Even if His Excellence had been booked into the House months in advance, isn’t there a W. Hotel nearby that would have been just as homey?

#74. Dirty Laundry: Why is it Martha Stewart had to go to jail for about 100k in question and an insider trading allegation? She didn’t have her dad’s buddy heading up the SEC investigation, or a lawyer who just happened to also be counsel for the SEC. W. did, and that is why in 1990 when he up and sold stock in Harken Energy for 800g right before it posted a $56 million loss.

#73. Gail Norton: Bush appointed this former Colorado AG as the Secretary of the Interior. She was most famous for vehemently opposing gay marriage in Colorado. Nearly worse, she was equally anti-environment and a big fan of oil drilling, mining and logging and not so big on preservation. Oh, and she was later implicated in the Jack Abramoff scandals. Good pick slugger.

#72. Drill, Baby Drill: Bush inspired the insipid Palinism when he made it very clear that offshore oil drilling was his answer for the global energy crisis. Last year Bush lifted a 27 year old ban on drilling, and went on to promote more drilling – even during the aftermath of Hurricane Gustav…whose damage caused about 120,000 barrels to wash up on the gulf shore. Nice.

#71. Midnight Regulation Party: For more on the environmental disaster that is the Bush Administration; look into all of the rotten little crud these people have been trying to pull since election night! Yes, on the evening of the election, over the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years holidays, while America was busy – Bush and Company were selling off Utah, editing down the endangered species lists, increasing drilling, and generally pissing off Robert Redford.

#70. Horrible People Who Love Bush #10: Rep. Michelle Bachman
#69. Horrible People Who Love Bush #9: Sean Hannity
#68. Horrible People Who Love Bush #8: John Hagee
#67. Stupid Comments on the 7’s: About Bush, “The man responsible for keeping Americans safe from another terrorist attack on American soil for nearly seven years now will go down in history as one of America's greatest presidents.” Ann Coulter (June, 2008)
#66. Horrible People Who Love Bush #6: Ann Coulter
#65. Horrible People Who Love Bush #5: Glenn Beck
#64. Horrible People Who Love Bush #4: Kid Rock
#63. Horrible People Who Love Bush #3: Vladimir Putin
#62. Horrible People Who Love Bush #2: Ted Haggard
#61. Horrible People Who Love Bush #1: Bill O’Reilly